One of the traits I notice in myself is that I am quick to find faults in others, and slow to recognize their gifts and strengths. I wonder if this is a defensive mechanism for me to feel safe- cocooned in the false belief that I am better than others. It\u2019s exhilarating to think I\u2019m on top of the heap.<\/p>\n
And at times when I\u2019m confronted with the stark, clear, irrefutable data that someone around me is smarter, capable, more competent, I feel very small. It\u2019s painful and even threatening.
\nCompetition and comparisons are deeply coded into my DNA, and it requires effort to watch it without getting caught up in it. But in order to relate meaningfully with people around me, I want to be in a space of balance- where beyond the shortcomings, I can deeply appreciate their beauty and grace, otherwise I\u2019m shutting off doors of connections.<\/p>\n
From my conversations with leaders, I find it\u2019s not very different for them. Much of humanity is brought up on a diet of receiving messages of \u2018not good enough\u2019, and we get embroiled in our own quest to find self-worth. We feel disappointment at low performance; overwhelmed at the enormity of objectives; maybe even defeated with a setback; angry with a team; self-doubt at whether I\u2019m good enough, and our own craving for appreciation. The leader then feels pressured and tends to focus on critical thinking \u2013 how to make improvements in the status quo, improve quality, and drive for excellence.<\/p>\n
But an emotionally intelligent leader swims past these emotions to find inner resources to provide a positive climate and make employees feel respected, valued and significant. Bringing in this energy charges the environment, creates a heart connection where people contribute willingly and enthusiastically. Needless to say, if the feelings are not genuine and honest, it rings false, and falls flat on the face.<\/p>\n
Demonstrating this positive regard can be done by small gestures like : 2. Show that you care<\/strong>: A good leader knows when to push: \u2018I hear your concerns about the stretch targets, but I believe you have the potential. You know the market like no one else.\u2019 And alternatively to look at the worried face of an employee and say: \u2018I heard your mother was hospitalized today. What are you doing here at work? Take 2 days off and be with her.\u2019<\/p>\n
\n1. Acknowledging team member\u2019s feelings<\/strong>: Notice energy levels around you- and relate it to the expressions you are seeing- whether of agreement, excitement or conversely \u2013 discomfort, confusion. Ask them: \u2018I see from your expression you are not fully convinced. Tell me your concerns\u2019.
\nWhen people\u2019s feelings are not acknowledged, lingering feelings clutter effective action.
\nBut by validating emotions, you are helping them feel understood, so that they can move forward unhindered.<\/p>\n