{"id":191,"date":"2020-12-27T03:10:49","date_gmt":"2020-12-27T03:10:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/?p=191"},"modified":"2020-12-27T03:10:49","modified_gmt":"2020-12-27T03:10:49","slug":"why-you-should-drop-empathy-as-a-coach-and-manager-if-you-truly-want-people-to-grow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/why-you-should-drop-empathy-as-a-coach-and-manager-if-you-truly-want-people-to-grow\/","title":{"rendered":"Why you should drop EMPATHY as a Coach and Manager (if you truly want people to grow)"},"content":{"rendered":"
(Art by\u00a0Katy Pillinger)<\/pre>\n
I worked with a client a while back, who had a big conflict with his business partner.<\/p>\n
It was agonizing for him- there were parts of him which recognized the value of the partner, and parts of him which felt enraged, belittled and bitter about her behaviour . And he also knew he couldn\u2019t do without her. One of those love-hate-relationships.<\/p>\n
In the coaching sessions, we worked to separate and recognize the feelings, thoughts, sensations so that he could unhook himself from the external triggers. Some of the things my client identified about himself: he didn\u2019t draw boundaries, did not state \u2018asks\u2019 clearly, withdrew in self-doubt, was besieged with comparisons making himself alternately big and small, and emerged as angry \u2018Doberman dog\u2019 ready to bite when he felt not heard.<\/p>\n
Empathy is described as the ability to share another person’s feelings and emotions as if they were your own even when the other is not communicating them in an objectively explicit manner.<\/p>\n
As a coach, with my self-awareness I knew a part of\u00a0 me suffered in the same way, and I identified with his pain. At some level, the client is the same as me.<\/p>\n
The danger with empathy<\/strong> however that I have learnt over time, is that too much identification<\/strong> leads to a pressure help the other. And this pressure caused me to feel at times inadequate because in spite of coaching, my client going to the same places again and again. And at times annoyance at his inability to look within at times, instead putting the blame on external events and people. (and I berated myself for not being a good enough coach afterwards).<\/p>\n
Needless to say, all of this gets in the way of coaching and truly being there for the person.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Buddha says we have a wise self.<\/p>\n
The role of a coach can be to remind the client to get reconnected with that center and essence; their inner buddha, their resourcefulness and wholeness, their Wise-Self, intuition, gut \u2026whatever you want to call it\u2026because they have all the answers. The coach doesn\u2019t have the answers.<\/p>\n
Zerka Moreno, the co-founder of Psychodrama said: \u201cIt is clear that I do not heal any psyches.\u00a0 Protagonists themselves do the healing.\u00a0 My task is to find and touch that autonomous healing center within, to assist and direct the protagonist to do the same.\u00a0 I am merely a guide in the wilderness, clearing away obstacles so protagonists can find their very own path.\u201d<\/p>\n
Through Psychodrama, I learnt the important difference between\u00a0the important difference between Empathy and Compassion<\/strong>.<\/p>\n
\"\"                                                        (Art by Gabriella Barouch)<\/pre>\n
Compassion \u00a0leads to doing whatever possible to foster the release of the other\u2019s Wise-Self rather than become the other\u2019s healer. With compassion, you can be open-heartedly present with others without feeling the urge to change them or distance from them.<\/p>\n
And when I drop my wish to \u2018do something\u2019, that\u2019s where Self-presence will often release the client\u2019s own Self.<\/p>\n
This is the heart of the philosophy of Psychodrama – an action method developed by Jacob Levy Moreno (1889-1974) and his wife Zerka Moreno*.\u00a0 It uses role playing and dramatisation techniques to explore the energy enclosed within emotions, dreams and conflicts in order to release the creative and spontaneous self.\u00a0 \u201cSpontaneity is defined as a new response to an old situation or an adequate response to a new situation\u201c (Jacob Levy Moreno)<\/p>\n
Psychodrama is used both as individual and as group therapy and can effectively improve communication and work performance within organisations.<\/p>\n
Psychodrama also trains us to turn the lens within, so that we notice when the clients needs and identities are getting entangled with the needs of the coach- and the process of staying clear of that. In short, it is about being compassionately present without having the need to \u2018do\u2019 or \u2018heal\u2019 or \u2018empathise\u2019.<\/p>\n
If you want to understand how Psychodrama can turbocharge your coaching practice, see details of a\u00a0 year-long diploma on \u2018Psychodrama Coaching Practitioner<\/a>\u2019 from Vedadrama; and contact us for a two-day workshop on \u2018Coaching through Psychodrama\u2019 in January 14-15 2021.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Art by\u00a0Katy Pillinger) I worked with a client a while back, who had a big conflict with his business partner. It was agonizing for him- there were parts of him which recognized the value of the partner, and parts of him which felt enraged, belittled and bitter about her behaviour . And he also knew … Continue reading “Why you should drop EMPATHY as a Coach and Manager (if you truly want people to grow)”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":193,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,8,3,2,7,1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/191"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=191"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/191\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":201,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/191\/revisions\/201"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/193"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=191"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=191"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=191"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}