{"id":42,"date":"2012-03-11T16:59:13","date_gmt":"2012-03-11T16:59:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/WP\/?p=42"},"modified":"2019-05-25T08:04:10","modified_gmt":"2019-05-25T08:04:10","slug":"managing-emotions-at-the-workplace-2-communicating-confidently-with-a-tough-boss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/managing-emotions-at-the-workplace-2-communicating-confidently-with-a-tough-boss\/","title":{"rendered":"Managing Emotions at the Workplace (2): Communicating confidently with a tough boss"},"content":{"rendered":"<h3><strong>What is assertive behaviour?<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Assertiveness is the middle ground between aggression and passivity. It is about reasonable behaviour and finding solutions that suit both sides. Assertiveness means:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Acknowledging your own feelings to yourself (\u201c<em>My\u00a0boss gives me bits and pieces of tasks without total responsibility of the\u00a0entire project, and I am feeling restless and unfulfilled<\/em>\u201d);<\/li>\n<li>Understanding you have a right to (professional) respect, at the same time owing respect to other person;<\/li>\n<li>Having a right to speak your mind and asking for what\u00a0 you want;<\/li>\n<li>Being clear about what you want (which is reasonable\u00a0and fair);<\/li>\n<li>Understanding it is up to you to give the best shot to manage an unsatisfactory situation;<\/li>\n<li>Communicating your point calmly, openly and\u00a0confidently;<\/li>\n<li>Understanding what situations you can and can\u2019t change.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Typical assertive behaviours are:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Stating our thoughts clearly and confidently, without making demands or belittling ourselves;<\/li>\n<li>Coping with justified criticism, and being able to give it when required in a considerate and balanced manner;<\/li>\n<li>\u00a0Body language consisting of:\n<ul>\n<li>Steady eye contact;<\/li>\n<li>Open body posture (without crossed arms), sitting upright and relaxed,<\/li>\n<li>Head held straight;<\/li>\n<li>Appropriate facial expression \u2013smiling when relaxed or satisfied, frowning when displeased;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Making statements that are brief and to the point;<\/li>\n<li>Asking open-ended questions to get others\u2019 views: \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d \u201cWhat can we do to resolve this?\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Being clear and direct by using \u2018I\u2019 statements, e.g. \u201cI think\u201d, \u201cI want\u201d, \u201cI believe\u201d.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<table border=\"1\" cellspacing=\"0\" cellpadding=\"0\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td valign=\"top\" width=\"528\">\n<h2>Tips for Practicing\u00a0Assertiveness<\/h2>\n<ol start=\"1\">\n<li><em>Don\u2019t weaken your communication by apologizing,\u00a0making excuses or giving long explanations<\/em>. When we use expressions like \u201cI\u2019m sorry to bring this up..\u201d, \u201cMaybe\u2026\u201d,\u00a0 \u201cWould you mind very much\u2026\u201d we are\u00a0making our message feeble, thus undermining ourselves, making it easier\u00a0for others to disregard or dismiss.<\/li>\n<li><em>Be brief<\/em>. The fewer words you use, the bigger the impact. A rule of thumb is to listen more often than speak.\u00a0Observe senior people around you \u2013 many powerful and effective people communicate with a few well, chosen words.<\/li>\n<li><em>Present yourself confidently<\/em>. Look the\u00a0person in the eye; hold your body upright and consciously relax your\u00a0shoulders. Keep your face calm. Speak at a normal tone \u2013without shouting\u00a0or whispering.<\/li>\n<li><em>Plan and rehearse what you will say<\/em>. In\u00a0potentially difficult situations, successful people report going the\u00a0extent of even writing down their \u2018script\u2019.<\/li>\n<li><em>Watch your timing<\/em>! Choose the correct moment\u00a0to bring up sensitive issues. Wrong times to go to the boss for example are: just as he is about to leave for a vacation, he is about to step\u00a0out for lunch, he is in the middle of a high-pressure deadline, or has\u00a0just been rapped on the knuckles by his boss!<\/li>\n<li><em>You must be in the driver\u2019s seat.\u00a0<\/em>The\u00a0initiative to bring up and discuss issues (whether making a suggestion,\u00a0asking for clarification, or asking for resources) must be yours.\u00a0<em>You<\/em>\u00a0should decide when you want to bring up the issue rather than wait for\u00a0the boss to ask or an explosion to happen.<\/li>\n<li><em>After adequate preparations, have the courage to\u00a0say your piece!<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<p>In short, assertiveness is about being a more effective person.<\/p>\n<p>Assertive behaviour doesn\u2019t come naturally, and to practice it is not easy.\u00a0 It is also important to accept that once in a while, when we goof up, that is, lose control and balance, it\u2019s OK. After all, nobody is perfect, and to berate ourselves when a mistake is made is again bullying behaviour \u2013 here we are bullying ourselves! After learning our lesson, we have to forgive ourselves and move on.<\/p>\n<p>Assertive behaviour is not very commonly seen. When we practice it, the other party could feel temporarily disconcerted. But remember, assertiveness is not about winning a popularity contest. If we are convinced our actions and words are fair (to ourselves and others), our self-respect and self-confidence will go up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is assertive behaviour? Assertiveness is the middle ground between aggression and passivity. It is about reasonable behaviour and finding solutions that suit both sides. Assertiveness means: Acknowledging your own feelings to yourself (\u201cMy boss gives me bits and pieces of tasks without total responsibility of the entire project, and I am feeling restless and unfulfilled\u201d); Understanding [\u2026]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":43,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3,2],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42\/revisions\/45"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/43"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rashmidatt.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}