Art: Mike Medaglia
Rohan aspired to promotion at Senior Director level.
His commitment to excellence, growth and clarity about contribution to the company’s bottom line was evident. In the last couple of years, he had work long and hard, and developed a unique analytical product to build the block chain system in the company.
And yet, when there was an opportunity for promotion to Senior Director, he was not selected. He feels disappointed, betrayed and bitter.
His manager had told him: ‘Rohan, this is a no-brainer. You are the right guy for this, and you’ll make it’. Then there was an organizational change, and the manager relocated.
He went over that ugly but polite conversation several times in his head.
Over an 8am zoom call, his new manager emotionlessly told him: ‘We have decided to hire an external person for the position of Senior Director’.
Rohan: I’m surprised to hear this. When is the person joining?
New Boss: In a month’s time. Your role in onboarding her will be invaluable.
Rohan: Yes, of course I will support her.
New Boss: Of course we are committed to your growth, and there will be opportunities.
Rohan: Yes, thank you.
Rohan feels a heaviness in his head, a ringing in his ears, his breathing becomes shallow, and for some time his spirit isn’t able to move. He feels a mixture of disbelief, despair, helplessness.
Rohan is already making plans to quit in the next 12 months, and in the meanwhile starting a side-hustle. He has disapproved of Presenteeism: Physical presence and psychological absence combined; and now its happening to him.
This trigger of unexpected disappointment has sent Rohan to a ‘Freeze’ and ‘Flight’ mode.
What is needed is for him to ‘Stay and Play’.
Ask for a meeting afterwards with the key stakeholder.
‘Why was I not considered for the promotion? I consider my self worthy of the opportunity because..
x…
y…
z…
(going prepared with a list of tangible achievements/ qualities)
While I am both disappointed and angry, I am prepared to consider a different point of view.
You may had had your reasons.
I am curious to discover what they could be; and this feedback could be useful to my growth. Perhaps I have some blind spots I will discover.’
But this action requires Self-Awareness and the ability to notice- What are my feelings? What are my response patterns of ‘flight’ or ‘fight’ in this situation?
One emotion that Rohan dare not admit to himself is anger. Anger has unfortunately acquired a bad rep, and we end up drowning in despair, but we are numb to our own anger. Fully feeling anger will give rise to aggression; and get him out of ‘victim’ (‘poor-me’ position).
Charles Darwin would have agreed. Even animals need emotions. Fear causes them to avoid predators; Anger triggers aggression that helps them protect their young, their mates, their food, and anything else necessary for the species survival. From Anger there is the possibility of the birth of Courage.
In not acknowledging his emotions fully— especially of anger, Rohan lost the opportunity to express his own point of view. He squandered his autonomy. Of taking action to impact the outcome.
The boss is left thinking: The situation is well handled. He has accepted it fine, and he’s ok to report to the new person we are bringing in.’
“The way to overcome something is not to avoid it but to move into it.”– Arnie Kozak
(I meet many Rohans in my work as a Leadership and Executive Presence Coach. They eventually learn to seize Life and their Autonomy, and find freedom and power.
Our group coaching program starts on Nov 21,2020 Developing EI for Executive Presence)